Hiring a Helper

In Singapore, unlike in NYC, one tends to hire a "helper" and not a babysitter or nanny. This person is an all-in-one live-in. She will help with your children, shop, cook, clean and iron. For a standard American, this is quite an incredible and unusual (unaffordable) luxury. We are very happy to partake in this in Singapore, but it certainly doesn't come without heartache. You have people here who are willing to work harder then any babysitter in the USA, for far far less, and be very happy about it. A dollar is not a dollar here for these people. It is an education for their children (who they see 1ce a year if they are lucky), medicine for their sick relatives, food, clothing and whatever else their family at home may need. What their standard monthly wage is here, is less then (almost by half) a weekly nanny wage in NYC, but they do so much more for it, and work much longer hours too. They send a majority of their hard earned money home.

I know comparing this to anything in the USA is not helpful to me in any way, as I will just feel guilty and feel that I am somehow taking advantage of this person... but then you realize that you are paying market value and to actually pay more then market destroys the balance both for you in terms of how you are regarded by your employee (negatively, believe it or not), and for their relationships with the other helpers in the market (jealousy). Therefore, to keep the balance and the harmony, you must stick to market prices (I have done my research on this!). I have also learned that on average, helpers tend to love to work for Americans because we are so nice and easy (note: humane) and Chinese families tend not to hire helpers who have worked for American families because the helper has been forever "spoiled" (and you can read that both ways).

My first contact with an 'agency' was extremely disheartening (the agency consisted of one Indian woman working out of her home, having her assistant dial phone numbers for her). I had initially spoken with, let's call her Madam, Madam's assistant, telling her of my requirements - specifically, childcare and good English were non-negotiables, as was experience with babies and small children. The rest I could be flexible on. I was sent a list of 5 women to call and interview over the phone. I was told that one had to hire from a phone interview and this was standard. 

I started my calls, and the first interview was incredibly uncomfortable:
"Hello, may I speak to X? ......... X? ...... Is this you?"
"Mam?"
"Hi, My name is Caroline. Madam told me to call?"
"Mam?"
"Are you looking for a job as a helper?"
"Mam? You job?"
"Have       you          worked        with      children?"
"Mam. you helper?"
And it went on like this for a very long and painful two minutes until I finally hung up. The other 4 calls (when/if their numbers worked) were not quite as bad but close, except one who's English was passable (just) but I later found out had lied to me on the interview about the reason her previous job was terminated, when Madam tried to bully me into hiring her..... "And don't spoil my girl by giving her 4 days off a month!" Madam tells me, "2 only, she should work up to 4".

Feeling frustrated and extremely discouraged, I called Madam's assistant and insisted I meet her in person so she could set up interviews with the kinds of girls I was looking for. A $20 cab ride later, I arrive outside her gate at her home, ring the gate bell, and no one comes. I am in the middle of an ultra residential area with absolutely nothing around, and watch as the cab disappears and realize I have no idea how on earth to get home. I ring the bell again, doubtful that I am at the right place, and no one answers. I then call Madam, who informs me that She is waiting for Me.
She is an attractive older woman (with red lacquered nails and matching lipstick), sitting like a pasha in her dilapidated swivel chair, ordering her 2 assistants about. I explain to her what I want, and she says, "ahhh. I understand now." (I see I must have been unclear about my requirements of English and childcare experience). "Let me get you some girls now to talk to." Her assistant starts dialing and Madam begins conducting interviews in front of me.

"Hellllooooooo. Helloooooooooo. This is Madam. I have your mam here. Your MAM. Your MAM. She wants to speak to you. Yes. Your Mam. Are you X?? Yes? Your Mam is here. She wants to know, will you be good to her children? Will you take care of Mam's children? And be good to them? You take good care? Yes? Yes. Good. Here's your Mam. She wants to talk to you."

To my utter horror, she hands me the phone and encourages me to "step outside" so I have some privacy for my impromptu interview. I go outside and find my privacy includes a table of 5 or 6 Indians sitting there, looking me up and down, and snickering at me. No exactly optimal. I then try to speak and find that the girl does not really speak English at all, but from the little I could get out of her, her current employer is a saloon (not a salon), and no, she has not worked with small children. I quickly hang up, feeling somewhat mortified having had to have this very uncomfortable conversation with an audience, and go back into Madam's office. I tell her I will not conduct interviews in this manner and that I expect her to vet people first and not send them my way until they fit my criteria. From there, I have them order me a cab and leave. Needless to say, I  never heard back.
Completely depressed, I get home and call 6 agencies. I hear back from 2 that they have no one on hand and don't hear back from the rest. A day and a few tears later, a friend recommends an agency I had not run across and I call and it all moves well from there. Big Big sigh of relief. We may have found our helper. A lovely Filipino woman, who worked for a Chinese family (so we will likely be a cake walk for her), loves children and was looking only to work for a family with small children. I will have to deal with my guilt issues and know that what we offer her will be far nicer (at least gentile) then where she is coming from.