Daily Life - Things that make Singapore Singapore

Every day, when I take Charlie and Anna out for errands, usually at stop lights I see people pointing, staring and then laughing. No, not at me, thankfully. At my very American (actually New Zealander) stroller. The double stroller. Anna very visible in front (much cooing ensues), and then, peek-a-boo! Charlie pops her head out from the back. "OH!" is the first reaction followed by a laugh and then much consideration of the stroller, sometimes questions on price, most of the time, a conversation held privately between the two locals and some neck craning as I walk away. From other expats (English, French, Australian), I mostly get the envying eye (and I stand tall and proud), but no comments. This is the closest I will ever get to celebrity and must admit, have been enjoying it just a little.

What also tends to get much attention is my daughter Anna. Cooing aside, I hear frequently, "ah, nice boy, big boy!" even when she's in head to toe pink. "Girl" I respond. And they respond, "Ooh, she so much like boy!" There is no sense of shame or embarrassment here at the mistake. In New York the classic response would be something along the lines of "of course" or "sorry". On the other hand, according to the Chinese here, I have doomed poor Charlotte. "What's her name?" I'm asked, "Charlie", "whaaaa? That boy name!" followed by confused silence, and I feel, an expected explanation. I learned right away I shouldn't bother with that, as they will keep coming back to the original point "Whaaa? That boy name!".

As for street wear there are a few things which have caught my eye. One is the regular appearance and the proud display of the man-purse worn by (seemingly) 90% of the local Asian population. And worn with pride. Vuitton! Prada! Fendi! And no, not by gay men (who seem to have much more sense). Straight men. With wives and paunches. Their purse is either worn in the old-school girl "pocketbook" way (strap diagonally bisecting the chest, purse resting on hipbone), or held in one hand like a clutch. It is amazing to me, but I am in Asia, I remind myself.

Another thing which has astounded me is here there are more open lesbians (in couples or walking alone) in one city block then I have ever seen gay men in NYC, and transsexuals. It seems to be that lesbians are out, open and accepted, whereas I never got that sense in New York. Same for the transsexuals. I write transsexual and not transvestite, because these men are not in costume, they are going about their daily lives. They just happen to be wearing make up, skirts, heels as a normal woman would, to do her daily errands. I find this very refreshing, especially in such a controlled state. But then again, Singapore is all about acceptance of race, religion, ethnicity - so I suppose, slowly slowly, "this" bubbles into "that". 

As for the controlled state piece, I haven't really seen much evidence of it, except for the end result, which is the orderliness of everything (which I do appreciate after NYC). In fact, our residence is adjacent to a police station and I have yet to see one police officer - anywhere! I asked a friend here about that and she said that she heard that most of the officers are plain clothes policemen and many are also cab drivers, which helps them keep their finger on the pulse of the city. Who knows what is and isn't true, but it is peculiar to be in a city that is so incredibly safe and not see police anywhere.

I have kept my eye out for them out of curiosity, but also because I have found it hard to kick my jay-walking habit. Putting aside my fear of getting hit by a car because the cars run on the "wrong" side of the street, the pedestrian lights are incredibly long (those that make you wait) and the walk lights are incredibly short. In fact, you could miss your opportunity to cross the street simply by searching for a ringing phone in your purse (not that it's happened to me, of course). In most crossings you have 15 seconds - I know this because the light has a count down, and you're gypped out of "13" - 14, 12, 11 and so on. And then when the light gets to10 it actually speeds up the countdown!! I haven't officially timed it yet, but am considering this experiment. I'm willing to bet the actual amount of time you're given is about 10-11 seconds, but the amount of time you have to wait to cross is somewhere around 3/4 minutes.

Another curiosity here is the obsession with nails and weight. Like NYC, you find manicure salons everywhere, but unlike NYC, people here take their nails very very seriously. There are endless choices of colors, patterns, designs and glitters that you could choose for your nails. I have seen these elaborate designs on many women. I haven't gone as far as experiencing this to document, but am considering it. Not sure what Oliver would think... As for the weight, there are slimming boutiques here almost at every turn, and not your Jenny Craig type of thing, places that offer - slimming tonics (either topical or to ingest) or diets geared towards women, men, virgos, geminis, rabbits, pigs (Chinese astology here) and so on...!

Hiring a Helper

In Singapore, unlike in NYC, one tends to hire a "helper" and not a babysitter or nanny. This person is an all-in-one live-in. She will help with your children, shop, cook, clean and iron. For a standard American, this is quite an incredible and unusual (unaffordable) luxury. We are very happy to partake in this in Singapore, but it certainly doesn't come without heartache. You have people here who are willing to work harder then any babysitter in the USA, for far far less, and be very happy about it. A dollar is not a dollar here for these people. It is an education for their children (who they see 1ce a year if they are lucky), medicine for their sick relatives, food, clothing and whatever else their family at home may need. What their standard monthly wage is here, is less then (almost by half) a weekly nanny wage in NYC, but they do so much more for it, and work much longer hours too. They send a majority of their hard earned money home.

I know comparing this to anything in the USA is not helpful to me in any way, as I will just feel guilty and feel that I am somehow taking advantage of this person... but then you realize that you are paying market value and to actually pay more then market destroys the balance both for you in terms of how you are regarded by your employee (negatively, believe it or not), and for their relationships with the other helpers in the market (jealousy). Therefore, to keep the balance and the harmony, you must stick to market prices (I have done my research on this!). I have also learned that on average, helpers tend to love to work for Americans because we are so nice and easy (note: humane) and Chinese families tend not to hire helpers who have worked for American families because the helper has been forever "spoiled" (and you can read that both ways).

My first contact with an 'agency' was extremely disheartening (the agency consisted of one Indian woman working out of her home, having her assistant dial phone numbers for her). I had initially spoken with, let's call her Madam, Madam's assistant, telling her of my requirements - specifically, childcare and good English were non-negotiables, as was experience with babies and small children. The rest I could be flexible on. I was sent a list of 5 women to call and interview over the phone. I was told that one had to hire from a phone interview and this was standard. 

I started my calls, and the first interview was incredibly uncomfortable:
"Hello, may I speak to X? ......... X? ...... Is this you?"
"Mam?"
"Hi, My name is Caroline. Madam told me to call?"
"Mam?"
"Are you looking for a job as a helper?"
"Mam? You job?"
"Have       you          worked        with      children?"
"Mam. you helper?"
And it went on like this for a very long and painful two minutes until I finally hung up. The other 4 calls (when/if their numbers worked) were not quite as bad but close, except one who's English was passable (just) but I later found out had lied to me on the interview about the reason her previous job was terminated, when Madam tried to bully me into hiring her..... "And don't spoil my girl by giving her 4 days off a month!" Madam tells me, "2 only, she should work up to 4".

Feeling frustrated and extremely discouraged, I called Madam's assistant and insisted I meet her in person so she could set up interviews with the kinds of girls I was looking for. A $20 cab ride later, I arrive outside her gate at her home, ring the gate bell, and no one comes. I am in the middle of an ultra residential area with absolutely nothing around, and watch as the cab disappears and realize I have no idea how on earth to get home. I ring the bell again, doubtful that I am at the right place, and no one answers. I then call Madam, who informs me that She is waiting for Me.
She is an attractive older woman (with red lacquered nails and matching lipstick), sitting like a pasha in her dilapidated swivel chair, ordering her 2 assistants about. I explain to her what I want, and she says, "ahhh. I understand now." (I see I must have been unclear about my requirements of English and childcare experience). "Let me get you some girls now to talk to." Her assistant starts dialing and Madam begins conducting interviews in front of me.

"Hellllooooooo. Helloooooooooo. This is Madam. I have your mam here. Your MAM. Your MAM. She wants to speak to you. Yes. Your Mam. Are you X?? Yes? Your Mam is here. She wants to know, will you be good to her children? Will you take care of Mam's children? And be good to them? You take good care? Yes? Yes. Good. Here's your Mam. She wants to talk to you."

To my utter horror, she hands me the phone and encourages me to "step outside" so I have some privacy for my impromptu interview. I go outside and find my privacy includes a table of 5 or 6 Indians sitting there, looking me up and down, and snickering at me. No exactly optimal. I then try to speak and find that the girl does not really speak English at all, but from the little I could get out of her, her current employer is a saloon (not a salon), and no, she has not worked with small children. I quickly hang up, feeling somewhat mortified having had to have this very uncomfortable conversation with an audience, and go back into Madam's office. I tell her I will not conduct interviews in this manner and that I expect her to vet people first and not send them my way until they fit my criteria. From there, I have them order me a cab and leave. Needless to say, I  never heard back.
Completely depressed, I get home and call 6 agencies. I hear back from 2 that they have no one on hand and don't hear back from the rest. A day and a few tears later, a friend recommends an agency I had not run across and I call and it all moves well from there. Big Big sigh of relief. We may have found our helper. A lovely Filipino woman, who worked for a Chinese family (so we will likely be a cake walk for her), loves children and was looking only to work for a family with small children. I will have to deal with my guilt issues and know that what we offer her will be far nicer (at least gentile) then where she is coming from.

Odds and Ends

We are here now exactly one week, have had some time to settle (sort of). We are starting to get the lay of the land. As mentioned in previous posts, the most striking thing about Singapore so far, is how incredibly friendly the Singaporeans are (certainly in contrast to New Yorkers) and how much they adore children. At times, I am literally stopped on the street so that they can admire Charlie and Anna -  and will chat with you about them if they are walking in the same direction. It's a really amazing thing to experience. At restaurants, waiters and waitresses alike will come over to your table between an order, just to say hello to Charlie and coo over Anna. In New York, we mostly got a lot of eye rolling when we went to a restaurant (if it was not Indian or specifically set up for children). Interestingly, this takes a whole lot of pressure off as you don't need to worry about the kids being well behaved and as a result, everyone's more relaxed and enjoys their meal (oh, and by the way - the kids are more well behaved too!).

Setting up our bank account, there was another striking difference between the USA and Singapore. In the USA, your checking account is what you use primarily for daily living: you get your paycheck directly deposited into your checking account, you use your debit card which is directly linked to your checking for daily purchases, and your savings account is what you transfer money into from your checking or a portion of your salary to "save", and you might use your savings account for big ticket items (like a down payment for a car etc) probably transferring money from the savings to the checking so that you can write a check. Here, it's exactly the opposite. Your salary gets paid into your savings, your debit card debits from your savings, any electronic payments you set up (cable, phone bills, electricity), you set up through your savings and you only use your checking for big ticket items. Therefore the minimum amount in your savings needs to be $500, whereas the minimum amount in your checking needs to be $3000. The checking account seems to be solely used for these types of one-off payments. Not knowing this, I was trying to set everything up as it's done in the USA, and I couldn't understand why the guy at the bank was looking at me like I had three heads, but being Singaporean, he was willing to set it up as I was asking, if that's what I really wanted...all the while he patiently explained the obvious to me. We did need a checking account to write a check for the apartment deposits, but beyond that, I think the account will stay inactive (hence becoming a theoretical savings account - you do get paid a minute amount of interest).

This past weekend the little Bareau family went to the botanical gardens to see a special exotic orchid exhibit. As you walked through, the beautiful organization and order we saw reminded us a little of Switzerland, and then we saw a few things that you probably wouldn't see in Switzerland!

And just in case you weren't feeling inspired and needed direction for good photo ops locations....

The "garden" was absolutely beautiful and massive and, we were delighted to discover, it was within a short 15 minute walk from our new home. A great jogging area!

Also over the weekend, we had our first delicious taste of Sentosa - an Island connected to the mainland where there are golf clubs, casinos, boats, and tons of out door activities. Giacomo, Oliver's high school friend, lives there with his family. I would not be exaggerating to say this felt more like a resort then anything else. It was beautiful. We look forward to visiting Sentosa more and exploring all it has to offer. Charlie looks forward to spending more time with Filippe (Giacomo and Claudia's 8 year old son).

 

 And a small glimpse of Sentosa.....

All in all, Oliver and I agree that Singapore really feels like the city of the future - multicultural and fully integrated, racially and religiously tolerant, the city planning has been thought through to a tee- being extremely organized, logical, handicapped and stroller friendly, and being positioned as the shopping mecca of Asia, I can say that there is nothing you can't find (you just have to pay for it!).

The Sun Also Rises (late)

This is Oliver posting. Caroline has set a tough standard! Just a little snippet to share from my end. The sun rises at 7:15am every morning. For our little jet lagged family this makes the morning experience slightly surreal. We've been waking between 4-5am since we arrived, which means 2-3 hours of darkness every morning. I was on morning feeding duty with Anna this morning as Caroline was recharging her batteries (see last post!), and with 3oz consumed at 6am but a very fidgety Anna to entertain and burp, I decided it was time for a morning stroll. We went out in the baby bjorn and walked along Orchard Street (the main shopping street, equivalent to 5th Ave and Times Square put together). Shops were closed but the noodle shops were doing a brisk business as late night revelers on their way home stopped for the Singaporean equivalent of post-Dorrians pizza. They were smoking up a storm and chatting away but as I passed by with Anna in tow they all cooed and cried out "cute!", girls and boys alike. The love of children is everywhere - such a nice thing for us and what a contrast to New York. I also noted how safe it felt to be walking around in darkness on the equivalent of a weekend late night. There are good aspects to the "Nanny State" after all....

Next post: our first trip to visit the Galtarossa's in Sentosa

Good-bye New York, Hello Singapore

Our New York departure was nothing short of the stressful ending you would expect - movers showing up 3 hours late, and 2 men short, with a strict building enforcing the "nothing moves out after 5pm" rule - and of course by 4:30pm, not a single box had left our apartment. Many bribes later (made by the moving company after Oliver dropped the hammer on them), everything was finally moved out by 8:30pm. Not quite the last night we hoped to have in NYC, but at least it all got done.

The following day we were off to Newark with our 10 suitcases, a stroller and a car seat for our non-stop (note not "direct") Singapore Airlines Business only flight which was slated for an 11pm take of. The flight took off at 12:30am - with two kids that delay was a toughie after a night of 3 hrs of sleep - but that meant that both girls fell asleep immediately. We were extremely comfortable and well taken care of. Anna slept most of the way, and Charlie, when not sleeping, was watching Beauty and the Beast over and over again (a TV first for her) and eating granola bars and lollipops. She was in heaven.

 

For us, as a result, the flight was as easy as it could be. What was strange about the flight was that you took off at night, and to acclimate you to the time change, essentially, the shades are drawn all 19 hours (we landed at 7am) so you have 19 hours in the dark or artificial light. It's very surreal. We then landed at 7am, to black black skies and torrential downpours, which only added to this strangeness. 

We got through customs without issues, despite my somehow having misplaced Oliver's work permit (I did have all of our dependent passes though!) and were met by our friend Giacomo who accompanied us to our temp housing - so nice to see a friendly face upon arrival. 

Our temporary housing was another nice welcome - staff incredibly friendly, and apartment - very comfortable, clean and well set up.

This first day is certainly a blur, but we did manage to fully unpack our 10 suitcases and go for a short walk before all collapsing into bed at 7pm (and then being woken up about 4-8 times between the two girls over the next few nights!).

The next day, Oliver went to work and I took Charlie for a "fun excursion" (marketing is everything!) food shopping with me, while Anna was being looked after by the hotel babysitter. Having been told that the supermarkets delivered, I decided, in typical NYC style, to do a massive shop. Two full shopping carts later, and halfway through checkout (strollerless) I am notified that only "dry" goods can be delivered and that I will need to carry the rest (note - all the heavy stuff -milk, oj, butter, ice cream, cheese, veggies, fruit, etc etc). As I'm being told this, Charlie is having her 3rd of 6 massive meldowns, and with a sinking heart, I see the 8 grocery bags that are waiting for me to carry up the escalator and 5 blocks home. With Charlie. With meltdowns. Fast forward 30 minutes, and a fall down the escalator by my grumpy monkey, I am standing in the middle of the equivalent of 55th and 5th, with my daughter prostrate, screaming bloody murder, and me looking down (calmly?), helpless, with my 8 grocery bags surrounding us. Needless to say, I was silently cursing the hotel employee who said I was close enough to the market not to need my stroller, and myself for the stupidity of not trusting my instincts, when the first of 2 women came up to me offering to help. I turned down the first (damn pride). When the next showed up 3 minutes later, after I had come to the conclusion that crossing the street was an impossibility, I accepted. She took 4 of my bags so I had a free arm to carry Charlie, and walked me all the way to the hotel. This was not her route. This was the first of our experience with the Singaporean generosity and kindness. Karma, as they would say. Or perhaps, Karma-la. (La gets tagged onto a lot of things...No-la, yes-la, there-la). I almost wept. 

An hour later, I had my real estate agent appointment to see 5 apartments. The 1st I saw was it. And so we then had to scramble. Chinese New Year's eve the next day meant everything was closed for the next three days. As with New York, the only way to secure a place is with money. And the only way to give money is with a local bank account (which we did not yet have - after all, by this time we'd been in Singapore less then 36 hours). So after a mad scramble we open an account, wire money over, only for it not to hit in time. Singapore generosity kicks in for the 2nd time: our agent writes the check for us. She pays our 1st month's rent (not an insignificant sum) out of her own pocket on our word, and on her suggestion. Because we're nice. I asked, what if we don't pay her back? Karma. Crazy. She didn't even have us sign or write anything acknowledging this. With disbelief, I saw her write this check and hand it over.

Needless to say, our first impressions are very positive ones! The people are wonderful - friendly, adore children - men and women alike coo over our little ones (and I'd venture to say, any little ones), the food is excellent, streets are calm, even when crowded, and in the three days I've now been here, I've only heard 3 honks from cars. What a change from New York City. And I'm sure I don't even need to mention how clean it is here - a wonderful sight.

Incredibly, Oliver and I are starting to feel ourselves relaxing a little, despite the massive amount of things we need to accomplish!