Advice

During our time out here, I have had my fair number of cultural faux pas's, some mildly embarrassing, and others downright mortifying. The plus side of these experiences is that I can now (honestly) laugh about them, and laugh pretty hard. 

One of the biggest ramp-ups for me has been learning about the Indian culture, which I knew zero about before coming out here. I have come up with a list of a few pointers based on my growing experiences:

1. ALWAYS eat dinner before a dinner with Indians, if you have been invited to their home.

No, this is not because the food is not good, in fact, the food is 99% of the time off-the-charts excellent. This is because you will be lucky if you get a morsel of food before 11:30pm, at which point you will have been plied with massive quantities of alcohol (Indians are extremely hospitable and ensure that you are never without a full glass). 

2. Perhaps this should actually come before #1: If invited for 8pm (again, for a dinner at home), do not show up before 10pm, because no one is actually ready.

3. Never say no when offered something to eat or drink, this may cause offence or equally uncomfortable questions about 'why not?'. This can get tricky if you have followed the advice of point #1.

4. Be ready to be separated from your partner... for extensive periods of time. This depends on the party, of course, but the sexes do tend to flock together. Therefore, pay close attention to names and try to connect with at least one woman before the inevitable separation otherwise you may find yourself on the outs!

5. Never take the theme of an invite too literally (erring -always- on the conservative side).

Last year we were invited to a Deepavali party (this is the Indian New Year which is also known as the celebration of lights). The theme was "clubbing" and the language on the very cool hot pink & black invite told us to 'break out our club gear' and be ready to 'PARTY PARTY PARTY' and plan to drink to excess (yes, this too was printed on the invite). I got all dolled up and wore a micro-mini black lace skirt, the tallest stilettos I could find, a sleeveless fire-engine red V-neck silk fitted top, heavy make-up and voila! Oliver confirmed I was looking hot and that 'all eyes would be on me'. And how right he was. 

As per point #2 we arrived nice and late to the party. The party was packed and in full swing when we arrived. The only issue was, it turns out, EVERYONE, including the handful of westerners, were dressed in head-to-toe saris (for any of you who don't know, this is the traditional (conservative) Indian dress- and yes, you are covered from your shoulders all the way down to your toes). Gulp. I was more than half naked by comparison to everyone else there. I am certain that if I had walked in in a bikini, I could not have attracted much more attention. After the initial shock, we proceeded to have a blast and that was that. Needless to say, at the next Indian shin-dig I pulled out the most conservative outfit I could find!

I am certainly still learning and have no doubt that there will be more than a few more embarrassing situations, but in the process, I have had a lot of fun.