Advice

During our time out here, I have had my fair number of cultural faux pas's, some mildly embarrassing, and others downright mortifying. The plus side of these experiences is that I can now (honestly) laugh about them, and laugh pretty hard. 

One of the biggest ramp-ups for me has been learning about the Indian culture, which I knew zero about before coming out here. I have come up with a list of a few pointers based on my growing experiences:

1. ALWAYS eat dinner before a dinner with Indians, if you have been invited to their home.

No, this is not because the food is not good, in fact, the food is 99% of the time off-the-charts excellent. This is because you will be lucky if you get a morsel of food before 11:30pm, at which point you will have been plied with massive quantities of alcohol (Indians are extremely hospitable and ensure that you are never without a full glass). 

2. Perhaps this should actually come before #1: If invited for 8pm (again, for a dinner at home), do not show up before 10pm, because no one is actually ready.

3. Never say no when offered something to eat or drink, this may cause offence or equally uncomfortable questions about 'why not?'. This can get tricky if you have followed the advice of point #1.

4. Be ready to be separated from your partner... for extensive periods of time. This depends on the party, of course, but the sexes do tend to flock together. Therefore, pay close attention to names and try to connect with at least one woman before the inevitable separation otherwise you may find yourself on the outs!

5. Never take the theme of an invite too literally (erring -always- on the conservative side).

Last year we were invited to a Deepavali party (this is the Indian New Year which is also known as the celebration of lights). The theme was "clubbing" and the language on the very cool hot pink & black invite told us to 'break out our club gear' and be ready to 'PARTY PARTY PARTY' and plan to drink to excess (yes, this too was printed on the invite). I got all dolled up and wore a micro-mini black lace skirt, the tallest stilettos I could find, a sleeveless fire-engine red V-neck silk fitted top, heavy make-up and voila! Oliver confirmed I was looking hot and that 'all eyes would be on me'. And how right he was. 

As per point #2 we arrived nice and late to the party. The party was packed and in full swing when we arrived. The only issue was, it turns out, EVERYONE, including the handful of westerners, were dressed in head-to-toe saris (for any of you who don't know, this is the traditional (conservative) Indian dress- and yes, you are covered from your shoulders all the way down to your toes). Gulp. I was more than half naked by comparison to everyone else there. I am certain that if I had walked in in a bikini, I could not have attracted much more attention. After the initial shock, we proceeded to have a blast and that was that. Needless to say, at the next Indian shin-dig I pulled out the most conservative outfit I could find!

I am certainly still learning and have no doubt that there will be more than a few more embarrassing situations, but in the process, I have had a lot of fun. 

Singapore - 2 years on

It's been just over two years since we moved to Singapore, and a very (very!) long time since my last post. Daily life had gotten the best of me!

Looking back on the time we've spent here, it's very hard to believe that we are already a quarter of our way into our 3rd year. When we first arrived some of our new friends said, "Watch out - Singapore is a vacuum. You blink and the year has passed." I scratched my head at that at the time, but now I understand. I'm not sure if this is a function of being an expat or if this is particular to Singapore. I have a feeling it is the latter. Perhaps it's the mostly perpetual sunny weather, the lack of seasons - creating a sameness to each day/month/year and/or just the happy lifestyle that sucks you in and makes you lose track of time completely.

One of the things that has remained consistent throughout our stay here has been how amazing the Singaporeans are - generous, thoughtful, and so socially responsible. One particular incident that happened last year highlighted this. Oliver's cell phone slipped out of his pocket and into the back seat of a taxi. He thought he'd left it at a friend's house so wasn't very worried about it. In the morning, we received a call from a friend notifying us that she had tried to reach Oliver and that a man told her that he had his phone. I got in touch with 'Michael' to arrange pick up of the phone. Not only did this man screen me to make sure I wasn't trying to steal Oliver's phone (who was I, how did I have Oliver's number), but he also insisted on coming to our closest subway station to hand the phone over, after having just gotten off the night shift. Upon meeting this man, he asked Oliver to unlock the phone in front of him, just to be sure Oliver was the rightful owner. He had noticed Oliver's screen saver which was an image of our two girls, and had actually bought them a box of cookies and some candies from Mark's and Spencer's (not a cheap brand here). Oliver, before even knowing about the gift, had tried to give him money for his trouble and Michael flatly refused, handing Oliver the gift instead. Even now, months later, when I think back to this incident, I am speechless. 

A few months after this experience, I managed to leave my Kindle on a Delta flight (is this forgetfulness also a function of Singapore?). I received a call from the airline after they had discovered the Kindle in the seat pocket. They reviewed the seat assignments to work out who to contact and I was then called and asked if I had lost something? Realizing it only then, I told them and described the item. They couriered the Kindle from the airport for me within 24hours, and actually called me later on that day to confirm I had received it and that all was okay. I know this is Delta, but I would stress that this is Delta as run by Singaporeans. I have no doubt that Delta's JFK lost and found is full of interesting and expensive items, both unclaimed and unreturned. 

In our forgetful states, these kinds of things have happened to us more than a handful of times. Oliver has lost his phone here at least 3 or 4 times- each time in a taxi and each time returned either by the driver or a kind passenger.

Is it the sun? Is that what puts everyone in a good mood? Or is it that a majority of people here are fit and as a result, have endorphins racing around and are happier and more willing to do nice things for others?

I know I have written a glossy image of this place, and that is certainly a reflection of how I feel, however I should also mention that I have met a handful of people who have moved here who haven't liked it and with most of their complains valid: impossible to get cabs at peak hours or when raining, tough to understand locals due to heavy accent, the insane expense of cars (a simple VW can set you back about $150k due to various taxes), the humidity of course, the culture of lining up to get into lines, and... well, the list can go on quite extensively depending on the perspective and level of discontent. I agree with these things, but I think all cities have pros and cons and from there, how you look at life is a choice. This is a perspective you feel more acutely out here than back home. An East vs West thing I think... and a good one at that!

Finally - Pictures

I have not been so good posting pictures - but these bring us up to date!

Night view from our balcony

Checking for foot & mouth disease at school every morning

A tough day of farming at school

Some of the many gorgeous sunsets seen from our apartment

Chinese gardens

Feeding the rather aggressive turtles at the Chinese gardens

 Furniture arrives

Charlie getting made-up at the Chinese opera

 
 YIKES!

 A walk in the botanical gardens

Langkawi, Malaysia

Reflexology: East vs West

With a piercing migraine, and no time to indulge in a bedridden recovery, I decided to try Reflexology, as I had heard, could help. I was doubtful, but figured it was worth a shot.

Now, I confess, I love any kind of massages and have had my fair of Reflexology massages, but all at resorts. And I loved them. The ones that I had had were extremely relaxing, and many times left me in a state of speechless bliss.

I had never really considered these massages for medical purposes (too relaxing!). For those of you who don't know, a reflexology massage is focused mostly on the feet and lower legs believing that different areas of the foot relate to different areas of the body and by massaging (I use this word loosely here) your foot in certain ways, it can help restore balance to your body and relieve pain.

So, in my compromised state, I wandered around until I found a place that seemed suitably clean and not dodgy (I did try one "Press and Rub" when I first arrived). I found a place, and told them of my terrible migraine and asked if they could help me. Yes, absolutely, I was reassured. My feet were washed, and I was put in a room with many other lounge-chair type of beds separated by transparent curtains. A strong, and at the same time gentle, Chinese Singaporean woman sat down in front of me and listened to my complaints. And then went to work. 20 minutes into my 60 minutes, I was starting to sweat, hyperventilate and trying to be brave and last through to the end of the massage. It was excruciatingly painful.
OW! What does that part of my foot relate to?
Your neck.
OW! and that?
Your eyes? Are you tired? (YES!)
OW! OW! OW!
Your spine.
(Deep breaths deep breaths suffering through the next one...) What's that?
Lower back.
I was now white knuckled gripping the edge of my bed-chair, and that?
Your head.
You've got to stop, I'm dying, what's that?
Sciatic nerve....
AHHHHHHH!
I have no doubt, I am ashamed to say, that she was taking it easy on me. By the end of the massage, I was, quite literally, drenched in sweat. I was given my rose tea to sip, and got up on my (surprisingly not sore) feet. And swayed.
You feeling giddy?
Huh?
You feel okay? Maybe you sit down for a while?
Um.... yes.

I very nearly fainted. Black spots and everything. Thankfully she noticed before I did and helped me. She told me it was not uncommon under the circumstances. I might mention that our furniture & things from NYC had only just arrived the week before and every single area that was excruciating on my foot related very specifically to areas of my body that had been hurting.

I am forever transformed into a believer. I now go weekly, and as promised by this wonderful woman, each time is less painful then the first, and that I will sleep like a baby each night after a massage (a promise worth its weight in gold!). And I do. And yes, I also generally am starting to feel better. Oh, and my migraine - gone within 2 hours of this massage. Nothing short of miraculous in my mind.

I have since experimented with various other places and people, but keep going back to this one and this woman who just seems to know what to do for me. My mother told me that when you find your match, you must stick with them because it is rare, and I must say she was right.

Transactions

When I first arrived in Singapore, one of the many things I found lovely and endearing was the custom of being respectful with money. When I purchased something and used either a credit card or cash, the person would return the change/credit card with two hands - one thumb on each top corner and hand it over to me with a slight bow. If a receipt was to be received with the credit card, the receipt would be duly wrapped around the card and then the card would be handed back to me with two hands. The respectful and correct way to receive your cash/credit card is with two hands in the same manner.

"How lovely!" I said to Oliver, my first days here when my first transactions were processed. The loveliness wore off quickly, soon to be replaced with mild irritation as I increasingly found myself in situations where I would be balancing a child in one arm, groceries in an other, with no extra hand to politely receive my change... or would be handed back my credit card, tightly wrapped in its receipt, and would have to either throw it into my handbag (with, yes, one hand), knowing I would have a long search for it when the next transaction occurred, or put everything down, politely receive my credit card, then extract it from the receipt, return it to my wallet, and pick everything up again.  The impatient New Yorker in me rebels against this inconvenience! Am I now officially going from tourist status to expat? Is this a complaint? I haven't decided. That said, when my hands are free, I do make sure to receive cash and card respectfully!

Thunderstorm

Recently, I experienced the most intense thunderstorm I can remember. The rain (torrential) was nothing special, the thunder and lightening, however, were impressive. Following every clap of thunder, making my daughter jump, was the sound of a cracking whip that felt as if it was literally behind me. And the lightening! It was seemingly appearing only several hundred feet away. I was surprised each time the building in front wasn't hit. More incredibly, both construction sites (one in front and to the left and the other directly to the right of my building) were still moving forward with their work - albeit at a slower tempo. Between the booming thunder and whip-like lightening, I saw (metal) cranes moving, and jackhammers ta-ta-tating away. CRAZY! I expected at any moment to hear an ambulance cart some poor worker away, as both these sites are totally devoid of actual buildings and are the only real open areas in the vicinity. I realize I can be prone (at times) to exaggeration, however to say they lightening seemed to be appearing next to the building in front of me several hundred feet away, is not. I hope these guys were  being paid some significant additional cash to continue work under such dangerous, not to mention, unpleasant, conditions!

Helper Part 2 and 3

"Someone stepped on your dog", my previous boss would have rightly said of my helper situation. I came to Singapore excited about many things, but vying for #1 most exciting thing to look forward to was live-in help. Who would have guessed this was to become my bete noir? I'm here 6 weeks+ now, and no live-in help (yet).

I naively thought there would be a lot of help and it would be easy to find. What I didn't consider were (a) standards and (b) the power of the current employers.

Starting with my first point- after interviewing 20+ women, mediocre English is not a given. With two small children my #2 requirement is very good English (and by very good, I mean now mean mediocre - ie - I can understand you over the phone if there is an emergency and you are panicked). My #1 requirement, of course, is outstanding childcare, and now, by that I mean you must like kids and like to play with them. Also not a given. Most of the women I interviewed rated toddler care# 3 or #4 of 5 strengths (#1 being housework, and many times, surprisingly, #2 being elder care). The biggest surprise, however, and point # 2  was that the helper's current employer could decide whether or not the helper would work again in Singapore and when! The first helper I gave an offer to didn't come through because her current employer decided not to sign transfer papers and send her back home. Second helper I gave an offer to the current employer kept refusing to sign the transfer papers even though promised a release date of March 17th....after having pitched an earlier release date. I waited. And waited. And waited. And then he refused to sign the papers. He said, in 3 days. Next week. This weekend. In 2 days. After 3 weeks of this, I had to start looking again, even though this helper was fantastic. So now I've made my 3rd offer, and this new helper is supposed to start on the 24th but until those famous transfer papers are signed I won't be holding my breath. As for helper #2, she is still waiting. Now apparently the release papers aren't being signed before April. She has no power in this. Helpers here have very little rights and you realize that if they are being mildly mistreated, they are really stuck for the duration of their contract and if they are being grossly mistreated, then they can appeal to the government, but who knows how effective that is and how many of these women actually go that route.